Sponsors, also called ‘Baby V8’ come in all manner of shapes and sizes, but the kersha, if not fragile and wrinkled body is almost a standard feature.

Sponsors are moneyed, gas fuel guzzlers which drive young women nuts. They have no biblical qualms chewing girls the age of their daughters if not granddaughters.

Having achieved whatever they wanted in life, they consider financing young girls the same way they look at expenses at the golf club-normal cravings to spice their lives.

However, sponsors are tin-god dictators who operate like despots ruling over small banana republics with an iron fist.

Chick, here are 10 rules to observe when dealing with ‘private developers.’

1. Leather-to-leather

Sponsor is a synonym of a raw deal and therefore stuff like condom is ‘kalam farik’ might sound alien since they don’t watch much television, only SSBC. And how do you expect someone who can barely see his shoes to sheath his ‘stick’ with accuracy.

2. No catching ‘ball’

Irrigation is a must but the tadpoles should not germinate. The senior citizen has sired enough brats and is past the age of pampering a wailing toddler or bothering about prenatal care and baby milk.

So, mafi jena, meaning not daring to get pregnant.

3. No ‘5 shots’ marathons

After spending the whole day chasing contracts and letter of credit at Nilepet, the last thing a sponsor wants is his heart to be raced in a marathon session at midnight when his joints want to rest.

No taking him to heaven while screaming “it will be a baby boy”.

4. Contact is one-way traffic

If you are used to babe and sweetie calls begging for money for a pedicure, buying bras, yellow G-strings or treating yourself for a ‘Terrific Tuesday’ pizza, just know that does not apply to ‘Baba V8.’

Just have your phone charged and pray he calls since he decides when to call even if it takes three months.

5. No phone books

Sponsor is not the type to save his number as Deng ta Nilepet, Director General or Zol Kebir. And worse not even sweetie, Bae or honey.

His phone number is not saved in the phone book but crammed like biblical verses, ID number or Passport number.

6. Mafi Kalam Farik

Unlike young men who are cowed with “I will dump you” threats or will expose you on Hot in JUba, sponsors are cop stations: you don’t throw stones there! You are either in and calm like a rained on hen or opt out and “go drying!”

7. Behave like strangers

When he steps out of a lodging or house where he pays rent, you are strangers. No public display of affection like holding his hands or stroking his bald head.

8. No Blackmail

The sponsor has contacts of all the unknown gunmen in Juba who can dispatch you to kingdom come without being caught.

He also knows all the cops living, dead and retired, so don’t dare try blackmailing him with small exposures or trying to extort him with fake pregnancies. You’ll be playing Russian roulette with your life, my dear!

9. No random questions

Your darling gramps is no sweetheart to heave and shove as you wish. He is not the breed to question his whereabouts yet he has an ID obtained in 1979 when your mother was still 3 years old.

10. You are not part of family

Just because you are thrilling him to death does not give you free access to his family. His comrades are not your acquaintances.

You should remain in the shadows and blend with the furniture which he has bought with money he got through some bogus deal.

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