At the request of some Junubeen men, here are step-by-step techniques on how to perfectly kiss a woman:

1) Prepare yourself before kissing a woman. Don’t eat fish, onions or other similar food items prior to kissing a woman. If you accidentally ate those items earlier in the day, then chew a gum or brush your mouth thoroughly before approaching a woman. Remember, just because a woman had cooked you fish earlier in the day, doesn’t mean she would tolerate the odor of fish in your breath. Women are very sensitive to strong odors. So, be careful, my brother.

2) Make sure she is okay with the idea of kissing altogether. Some Junubiat women would never want to kiss anyone or anything because they get disgusted by the idea of mouth-to-mouth interaction between adults. They only like kissing babies! Who blames them? Kissing between adults is not only a foreign culture but often times it’s gross!

3) If you think she would be open to the idea of kissing, then do the following: First, sweet talk her into the right mood. Second, touch her gently (e.g touch her neck, her shoulder, rub her back, etc.). And third, slowly approach her for a kiss. Be careful and be ready to back out if she is not interested.

4) If she is calm, start out by kissing her chest, neck and slowly work your way up towards her lips.

5) If all goes well and she seems to play along, then tilt her head a little backward a little and start pressing your lips onto hers. Now, you’re doing the kissing, my brother!

6) Depending on how far you want to go with the kissing, you may choose to incorporate your tongue into the process (this step isn’t recommended for beginners, only advanced kissers like Hon. Dengdit can pull it off).

7) While you’re totally engaged in the act of kissing, take sporadic moments to breathe and make sure you keep your mouth as dry as possible by swallowing your own saliva such that to avoid disgusting a woman out. Women can get freaked out pretty quickly. Lol

Finally, close your eyes and enjoy the best expression of love humankind can exchange. In the meantime, don’t stop talking to her…It’s not over yet so don’t assume you already got her under your control. Please keep distracting her with sweet words while you’re kissing her because if you don’t there’s a possibility that she might gain consciousness in the middle of the process and bail out on you. It’s better to overkill a prey than to give it a chance to escape.

* Disclaimers: Try these steps at your own risk and don’t blame Uncle Dengdit if you got slapped in the face by a “no-nonsense” Junubi woman.

Credit: Deng A Freeman